I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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