oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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