I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
