We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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