Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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