I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
