Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's never too late to be topless.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
