I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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