I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
