If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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