youre lurking in front of me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
