I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
