I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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