mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
These tits shall not be calmed
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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