You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
