she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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