T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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