Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
