So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
