It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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