chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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