He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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