You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
