im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
and she was petting her beer can
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
