I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
