that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
