That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
