All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
