I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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