We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
