The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
