okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
