I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
