my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i out mim tonsoeep
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
