I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have tasted many bathrooms
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
