I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
