Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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