Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
