So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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