I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
