That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
