I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
