just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
