Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
