Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She bit a glass in half.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
