Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
