In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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