at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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