You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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