Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
