His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
