i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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