I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
